Leaders of the Nuwaubian Nation of Moors threatened to demonstrate their "earthquake weapon" in Putnam County again unless their demands are met for various building permits that have been denied by county zoning officials and commissioners.

Leader Malachi York said that they have harnessed the power of the pyramid with the help of aliens and they would use it to "shake things up" and get their building permits. "We’ll raise the power one Richter scale unit each time until we get those building permits," York said.

Putnam County officials were skeptical overall but some were clearly worried that York might actually have such a formidable weapon. Putnam County was rocked by a minor earthquake Tuesday.

Tim Long, a seismologist at the Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta, said earthquakes at Lake Sinclair happen every two to four years. "It was a three-and-a-half magnitude (on a 12-level intensity scale)," Long said. "It can be felt in a radius of 10 miles, or as much as 30 or 40 miles, with little aftershocks." The quakes are common at manmade lakes such as Sinclair, Long said. "We have them like this in the Richard B. Russell Reservoir (on the Georgia-South Carolina border) all the time," he said.

"That’s bull," York said. "This is pyramid power and we will demonstrate it again."

In an exclusive to this publication, the Nuwaubians granted us a demo version of their "earthquake on demand" system. Press the button below to demonstrate.

 John Rocker: Twisted Sister band is a bunch of sissies

ATLANTA -- Members of Twisted Sister, protesting John Rocker's comments disparaging gays and minorities, asked the Atlanta Braves to stop using their song "I Wanna Rock" to introduce the reliever.

"We've got Hispanics, Italians, Poles and Russians in this band," said guitarist Jay Jay French, the heavy metal band's co-founder. "We're all immigrants, all foreigners -- quote unquote -- and this is our way of saying his comments were not acceptable. Besides, we have to make this statement if we want our families and relatives living in New York to be safe. And besides that, we don't like guys who look so clean cut. He probably listens to Merle Haggard or some such like all the other *&$^% rednecks in the south."

New York-based Twisted Sister is best known for its 1984 hit single "We Hate Rednecks." The song's video featured lead singer Dee Snider and other band members wearing garish makeup and wild hairstyles and bashing cowboys with guitars.

French, 42, said he legally represents the band and that all its members agree on the action. "A.J. Pero [the band's drummer] would agree, too, if he could speak English," French said. French said he told his record label, Atlantic Records, and Braves representatives that the band didn't want the song used in conjunction with Rocker.

Asked about the rebuke, John Rocker blasted the group. "Who cares? Twisted Sister is a bunch of sissies wearing makeup, not to mention that they're all 1980's has-been foreigners! I'd already asked the Braves stadium crew to find me a new song when I saw what those dinosaur punks looked like."

Braves management rejected Rocker's suggestion of AC/DC's hit song "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" and suggested instead Brenda Lee's "I'm Sorry." No final song selection has been made.

After two months of debating the issue, a Bibb County school board committee recommended a change in system policy that would allow students who haven't passed the state graduation test to participate in graduation ceremonies anyway.

The policies and rules committee voted 5-2 to authorize the granting of waivers on an individual basis, ending months of deadlock. The matter still has to go before the full board next Thursday.

The change was offered as a compromise by acting schools Superintendent Sharon Patterson. Patterson and school system staff members originally asked that the policy remain as it had been - no pass, no ceremony.

In addition to a list of requirements to qualify for a waiver, the graduation program would carry a special designation of "work in progress" beside the individual's name.

The compromise discussion centered around the special designation and the ceremonial cap and gown. Patterson and school staff recommended a special conical cap and orange bozo-the-clown shoes. Those recommendations were rejected at which point the debate centered on the possible designations in the program. The committee rejected "five-time-loser," "pathetic specimen," "questionable IQ" and "dunce in progress" in favor of the "work in progress" designation.

Disclaimer: The accounts, quotes and stories on this page are wholly fictitious and intended as satire and humor. Although real names may be used and all good humor has an element of truth, this stuff ain't real. If you didn't already know these stories were bogus, then you're not too bright. --Steve Scroggins